If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
