I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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