It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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