dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
People in love make me want to vomit
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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