Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
