I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
