Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
