toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
