I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
