He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
