didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
