I cannot find my penis.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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