Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
