shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
