I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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