Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
