Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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