i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
