If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
