its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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