im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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