great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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