i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was confusing and full of hummus
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
