Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
