glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
