those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
