Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
