i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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