ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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