I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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