I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize