She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
