Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
