I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
