I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
