I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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