so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
