I will die if light touches me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
