I accidentally burped into my bong.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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