she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
