He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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