Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
