I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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