so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
