You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do herpes really smell.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
