It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
