He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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