Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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