You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize