Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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