And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
