Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
In America we eat man semen.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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