How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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