Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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