She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
