I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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