Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
