I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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