so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
