hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
