They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My vagina is officially offended.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
