6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
