At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
worst night to have a conscience
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
