That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
