My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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