my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
