I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
