I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
