Are we in a gay sports bar?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry about my life...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize