So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
